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The seven definitions
of monogamy
1. Actual monogamy. Fidelitous for life; one partner; become
a monk, priest or nun upon their demise.
2. Serial monogamy. Taking a new partner as frequently as every
two hours to sixteen-plus years, but strictly monogamous during
the course of the relationship.
2a. Enriched serial monogamy. Taking a new partner as frequently
as every two hours to sixteen-plus years, but strictly monogamous
during the course of the relationship, except for flirting, fantasies,
crushes, secret obsessions, kinky dreams, perverted emails and
stealthy kisses in the supply room.
3. Monogamous without any friends of the opposite sex permitted
whatsoever.
3a. Monogamous with good friends of the opposite sex permitted/encouraged.
4. Monogamous and having secret affairs.
4a. Monogamous and having open affairs.
4b. Monogamous and masturbating incessantly.
4c. Monogamous while having no sex whatsoever.
4d. Monogamous and fucking other people but not actually loving
them, so technically it doesn't count.
4e. Monogamous and loving other people without actually fucking
them, which technically doesn't count.
4f. Monogamous and switching between two partners, but strictly
monogamous while with each.
4g. Monogamous, except for getting your extra needs met on the
side, which is healthy and acceptable because you are the woman,
and everyone knows that one man can't really fulfill the needs
of any sexually aware female.
4h. Monogamous, except for getting your extra needs met elsewhere,
which is natural, understandable and acceptable because you are
the man, and everyone knows that one woman can't really fulfill
the needs of any sexually aware male.
5. Attracted to people who are monogamous but who have secret
affairs while you yourself remain monogamous.
6. Monogamous and having flirtations/ crushes/affairs/relationships
with people of your own sex, which technically does not count.
7. Monogamous except for doing oral on another partner as often
as daily or more, which is technically not sex because you are
not the one receiving the pleasure.
7a. Monogamous except for receiving oral from another partner
as often as daily or more, which is technically not sex because
you are not the one giving the pleasure.++
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