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The Mystery of
Orgasm
I want to start by acknowledging that there are many people
who have never experienced orgasm. Maybe this is you, and you
know it. If so, I would remind you that you have, perhaps very
nearby, the beauty of your first orgasm to look forward to.
What is orgasm? Is it really possible to describe? Do we even
remotely understand what is happening, besides what blood analysis,
graphs and dials say?
The dictionary tells us that orgasm is the height or peak
of sexual pleasure, but this is a kind of statistical explanation.
It is also mostly physiological, and, while surely physical,
orgasm is mostly emotional. True, there is a range of physical,
emotional and spiritual mixtures possible. While the experience
of the body is quite beautiful, the experience of giving the
body up is liberating, necessary and deeply pleasurable.
Orgasm is subtle. To orgasm is to let oneself go. To orgasm
is to surrender into the feeling of being alive. This can take
courage. Courage is a French word that means to have heart.
If we call the personality framework through which we normally
relate to the world the ego (the Latin word for "I"),
which is a self-concept, to orgasm is to release or give up our
structure, if only for a moment. In this moment, we surrender
the idea of who we are, and taste another dimension of existence.
To orgasm is to move from one sense of reality to another, and
to feel the journey.
We live in an uptight world and to do so, we need to live
uptightly. We need to hold on, to control our bodies, to control
our minds and emotions. We need to control who we are and how
we present ourselves. Often we try to control others in the process.
As we surrender into orgasm, what we give up is all of that control.
Breath, voice, facial expression and body movement all slip outside
of our usual grip. Spazzing out, drooling, grunting, are moaning
are all allowed. Hopefully, we release the muscles of the pelvic
floor, which are generally a painful point of holding on. This
is incredibly pleasurable.
In my experience, giving-up of my usual tight grasp on existence
that is the deepest pleasure of orgasm.
In normal life, what we experience in orgasm would be very
embarrassing. Embarrassment is the experience of shame of losing
self-control. In orgasm, we give up that rigidity joyfully and,
if we are in a trusting environment, it is profoundly beautiful
to be seen, felt and known in our surrender. In giving up our
tense minds on a fairly regular basis, with a partner or alone,
our lives can become more relaxed and less fearful, and the true
beauty of who we are can flow to the surface. Many other qualities
of reality can flow forward, particularly creativity and joy.
Orgasm heals our hearts, if we allow it to.
In both men and women there is a wide variety of orgasmic
experience possible. Many people, while experiencing physical
orgasm (in men, ejaculation, and in women, a kind of sudden jolt),
do not fully experience much of the much wider emotional or energetic
realm of orgasm. This can be learned with practice, as we open
to feel and then let go into the waves of feeling and energy
coursing through the mind, body and heart.
If we can do this, we can open ourselves to what some call
the "spiritual world" -- the formless dimension of
reality that is much closer to our soul's origins than the world
we know. When you are lost deep in orgasm, notice for a moment
the formless beauty of the space you are in. Notice how delightful
it feels not to cling. Love yourself for doing this.
I suggest you explore consciously, learning to watch your
face in a mirror and make eye contact with yourself as you give
up who you thought you were. Try telling yourself that you love
you as you look into your eyes and come: come into yourself,
or become yourself. If you have a partner, you can explore the
feeling of showing your face in your deepest moments, and vocalizing
what you feel, no matter how senseless.
Orgasm may still be a mystery, but it will become one with
which you are more familiar and comfortable: the mystery of you.
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Maria gives herself orgasm.
Embarrassment is the experience of
shame of losing self-control. In orgasm, we give up that rigidity
joyfully and, if we are in a trusting environment, it is profoundly
beautiful to be seen, felt and known in our surrender.
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