Illustration By Rosa Hunter.

Stand By Your Sam
By Rosa Hunter

I'M IN A STORMY relationship. It's with my country. America comes to my door at 2 am, with stinking lies on his breath.

"Baby, I love you, let me in."

"Absolutely not," I say with measured coldness, "I've heard this all before."

"Baby," he coos, "I'll never do it again."

I don't buy it entirely but I need the assurance, even false, that everything is going to be all right. Better than all right, things are going to be...golden. Golden Eagle All Right!

I love my country, you people just don't understand him. He doesn't mean to be bad, it just happens, he really is very sorry. He works so hard and cares so much that sometimes he forgets the people that are closest to him. You always hurt the ones you love, right? My eye? I ran into a door.

I know America cheats on me, he takes up with any floozy Emirate that bats their fake lashes, taking what he wants then leaving them in ruins, they don't mean anything to him. He always comes back to me. He needs me, I keep him going strong and he keeps me safe, free.

Sure, it's not an ideal relationship but you figure there has to be some sacrifice to be with the best damn country in the whole omniverse! You others are just jealous of what we have and say horrible things to get me to leave him. I'm not listening, I can't hear youuuuuu. Denial? Oh for Christian God's Sake, America is MY Country, and I'm standing by him to the bitter, fiery end times.

America Loves Me, He says it all the time, and if that's a lie then it's the sweetest lie that's ever tickled my ears. Nobody does it to me the way you do, America. Love you or leave you? Oh Baby, how could I ever leave you? I forgive you, I forgive you.

And then he sheds his grace on me and I forget all the bad times.++


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