Eric Francis | Workshop Offerings 2003
For more information about these programs, please email us.

  Swimming with Sharks
Come join us on scenic Bimini for an exciting week of swimming with actual sharks. They are friendly, wild and can return to the sea at any time... but they LOVE people so much they keep coming back voluntarily! A personal growth extravaganza that will prepare you for life in the years to come. Five days, three nights, Jan. 8-13. $4,110.00 plus chum and airfare.

Claiming Your Birthright as a Victim
You didn't decide to be born, you just simply were. That's when it all began. Intense pressure from the world in recent years to take control of your life has only made the situation worse. I can help get you back in touch with the part of you that never forgot that none of this is your fault. Our Conscious Victimization™ technique will help you really get control when you need it, through invoking the manipulation that can only come through helplessness, paralysis and ignorance. Feb. 25-30. $9,995.00.

Exploring the Crap Circles
There is no question about whether these things are real. Join thirty New Age bimbos in England, where you will eat Salisbury steaks, form a big circle, and poop in the field near Stonehenge right at the exact moment of the spring equinox, then spend all week exploring the meaning of this supernatural phenomenon. Join Eric and leading scatologist Anna Foeces and other top freaks, channelers and comet groupies on this once-in-a-lifetime mythic journey. March 20-27. $5,500 plus airfare, meals, hotels and registration fees.

Cooking with your Totem Animals
Native American spiritual leaders with whom Eric has studied in the Dakota hills for 25 years have taught him that the best way to take in the energy of your totem animal is to eat it for lunch. We will start with the basic recipes, such as bearburger, raven pie, wolf chow mein and chicken noodle soup. Eric is the author of Endangered Fare, the leading cookbook for things like whale, alligator and those little peeping frogs that keep disappearing all the time. March 28-30. Call for fee.

  How to Manifest Your Own Cult
Jake Howard (pictured left) started the New Church of the Millennium with just $27, a roll of stamps and an old copier. It is now a $56 billion enterprise with members in 112 countries on every continent who hold him as a god. Does this appeal to your to your aggrandized ego and entrepreneurial leanings? Then take this workshop! Join Eric and Jake in Reno, Nevada for this fabulous one-day process. April 1. $35,000.00.

Human Sacrifice
Imagine this: It's late at night on a deserted beach. Ceremonial drums fill the air as the dancing light of actual torches casts menacing shadows on everything. A young virgin is dragged screaming from the woods, and the fun begins. Experience the rare, delightful jolt of human sacrifice in all its inspired, worshipful brilliance. Work-study available. Place and time to be announced. $19,995.00.

Shopping with Gurumore
By guest presenter Gurumore. He will explain the subtle differences between bigger, better and best while preserving an atmosphere of inspired greed and chanting om shanti at the cash register. April 2. $2,500.00, one afternoon only.

  Nonresponsive Monogamy
Thirty years of sexual revolution have scattered the lost teachings of the ancient Christians. In this month-long intensive, we will tech you how to shut down, freak out, ignore your partner's basic needs and generally exude bad vibes in your intimate relationships. Instilling a sense of distrust is essential and we will help -- giving you sixteen reasons to shut everyone else out of your life -- and to learn to hate your partner but refuse to leave! May 1-30, Just $25,255.00, 10% off for everyone who completed Responsible Nonmonogamy.

Scared Sexuality
Relearn the lost art of paranoid intimacy in this frightening weekend intensive held in the worst possible location: a dusty Army tent at Ground Zero in Manhattan. Wear tight, restrictive clothing and bring accessories such as hockey masks, catcher's protective gear, pepper spray, chastity belts and corsets. Loads of fun, and enlightening too. June 4-5. $1,995.00 for individuals and $4,995.00 for couples.

Crawling on Fire for Toddlers
Most workshops discriminate against kids, including every firewalking workshop I've very taken or given. Toddlers need enlightenment too; if we're fucked up, they must be. Blessed with a marvelous ability to believe anything we tell them, your wee ones will have no trouble at all transcending their previous belief systems and crawling across 25 feet of hot coals, after which they will feel liberated, free and like a new person! This workshop will be presented by my assistant, Igor, while I take a vacation in Bali. June 4-5. $2,000 per kid. Bring aloe.

  Increasing Stress Naturally
The Shamans of old had hundreds of remedies for serenity, and performed sacred rituals to maintain a high level of anxiety in their lives. They believe that people who stay freaked out have less to worry about than calm people, whose peace of mind is always in danger of being disrupted. Eric will share the skills he has mastered for interruption, electronic intrusion, overstimulation, isolation, overwork, panic, and general paranoia in this eight-day intensive. June 17-15. $150,000 per person.

The Dawning of the Age of Capricorn
After the coming 2,000 years of Aquarian peace, love and harmony, we will experience the dawning of the Age of Capricorn, a time of unprecedented corporate authority, parental dominance, profound inflexibility and the takeover of consciousness by traditional religious values. What will you be doing? Dream a little in this powerful visioning process, to be held in Washington, DC July 4 weekend. $9,995.00

Present Life Regression Therapy
Do you remember the time you dropped a meatball on your lap at Aunt Camilla's house and everyone laughed at you, permanently searing the feeling of being an incompetent fool into your brain stem? Of course you don't. Or how about the time when Uncle Louie said you were a little shit? Now you can recover, relive and fully enjoy all those moments of damage and devastation, regressing to the scenes of long-lost traumas, wallow in your pain, and ensure that you'll be hung-up for many years to come. Held in Astoria, Queens, Aug 1-3. $3,995.00.

Walking on Water for Beginners
For those of you who successfully passed Skating on Thin Ice last winter, we are proud to offer Walking on Water for Beginners. Jesus said that we all had his mystical powers, so this should be a pretty routine miracle for true believers. We will, however, start with hard water, to make things a little easier. One day, Sept. 30. $1,995.00. Valid Red Cross Basic Lifesaving certification required.

  Masturbating with the Bonobos
Learn a few things from the hottest, horniest primates on Earth with our special guest presenter, Betty the Bonobo. Finally get over your sexual inhibitions! Betty will instruct the class in the creative use of sex toys, developing emotional well-being, full-body orgasm, erotic liberation and sexual ethics, and even throw in a few pointers about polyamory, group sex and overcoming jealousy. This rare inter-species class will open up your sex chakras and put a smile on your face. Betty, author of bestselling Sex for One Ape, has been teaching masturbation for more than 30 years and can teach you too! Weekend long intensive at Harbin Hot Springs, California Oct. 15-18. Big party Saturday night with Betty's friends that you won't want to miss. $3,200.00. You will need Viagra.

-- By Eric Francis with Silva Ra

 Horoscopes | Search | Index | What's New | Updates | Consultations

You are tuned to Planet Waves